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in which i hate feeling as though i'm not acing this thing

What a week. Sick since Tuesday with what started as a sore throat and turned into a nasty head cold. It's made classes feel like a slog and it's definitely edged at my patience in more ways than one.
Then, because of COURSE this would happen, a member of my peer review team asked if he could do his review yesterday. One day's notice. On the one hand he and I have become friends since I started at the college and he is super supportive and I genuinely appreciate his feedback. On the other hand, I felt awful (physically and mentally) and wished I'd had more than one day.

The class went OK--but he called today to give me some feedback, which sort of put me in a funk (of course it doesn't help that my head still feels like a balloon filled with slime). He said that probably 95 percent of my students gave me the highest marks on everything but that a few feel frustrated because the class is so discussion-oriented and they're tired of hearing other students talk so much and want to hear more of me because "you're the expert" (am I though? I mean, really?). Also, some of them think my PowerPoints are boring.

OH MY GOD I HAVE BECOME SOMEONE WHO SHOWS BORING POWERPOINTS JUST KILL ME NOW.

So.

I inherited the PowerPoints from the instructor who gave me her syllabus and yes, they are boring, but most of the students seem to use them and they help me stay on track because there is SO MUCH DAMN INFORMATION to process in this one particular class (survey of M*ss M*dia). I need to think of ways to balance them out--make them more useful, less boring. Also, I need to balance out the discussion and lectures. D (friend/colleage/peer review) had very very helpful suggestions and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm only five weeks into my second full semester and it's OK to not just ace everything. It is OK, right? I hate not being good at something. What's weird is that I'm not even some Type A / R**se Withersp00n in E1ection type of person--but I really do hate not being good at something.

"Be bold," D told me on the phone. "Don't be afraid to shake it up mid-semester. Your students will respect you for that."

Anyway.

It's been a long, tough week and now C is asleep on the couch and I'm hungry and grumpy and we just had a mini bickering session over whether we should order food in but I think I'm just going to forage in the kitchen for some soup. It's chilly outside and I know it's going to get hot again next week so I should just enjoy what feels like fall on this first day of autumn.

6:11 pm - 22.09.17

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

purple to blue, whoa - 01.10.17 - 1:27 pm

a little less dreadful - 29.09.17 - 9:10 pm

So that's that. - 27.09.17 - 9:31 pm

bring your own lampshade, somewhere there's a pity party - 26.09.17 - 6:25 pm

autumnal malaise - 25.09.17 - 7:10 pm

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