| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's just a day anyway Mother's Day is increasingly difficult around these parts. I love my mother--though our relationship is not without its complications. Mostly I try to focus on the good; she's the only mother I've ever really known and without her who knows what would have happened to me. She's never turned her back on me, even when I was at my most awful. Sure, she kicked me out that one time--but she regretted it instantly, begging me to come back home. I didn't then but a year later when I found myself nearly homeless and broke she immediately opened her doors. She's always been supportive, too, of my relationship with my biological mother. It was her I called after that one trip to see P that felt so odd and cold and bloodless. Me in the car, crying on my cell phone to my mother. It was she I called when P. was in hospice, dying. Me in a cheap hotel room, crying into the phone. She's never once showed me anything but love and support when it comes to any of that mess. Today is hard because it brings P. to mind. It resurfaces, too, all those buried wishes to have a child. It didn't happen. Mostly I'm OK with it. I love my nieces and nephews. I love my damn cats. But, still. Just trying to remember everything I'm grateful for today. Mothers, mother-in-laws, friends who mother, cats who let me mother them. It's just a day anyway. 6:37 pm - 13.05.18
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