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backward and forwards

Remember when I thought this would be the the year of change?.

That was pretty cute.

Right now I'm suffering such the identity crisis I don't know what's up or down, backwards or forward anymore.

I feel like I'm doing only so-so at my job and worse I feel like my co-editor feels like I'm only doing so-so. I feel like I never have good ideas anymore. The slightly kinder, more rational side of my brain tells me this is because co-editor is egotistical and typically only thinks his ideas are good--or ideas that fit his idea of good (bombastic, sensationalistic, "hip and edgy," etc) and that I do still have good ideas.

And the other part of my brain says, bitch, please, you are getting old and you have lost it and now all you want to do is curl up in bed and watch Scandal on Netflix.

Where does the truth settle?

I keep giving myself to-do lists of things to energize myself at work and then I get bogged down in the day-to-day and finish the day tired and uninspired.

I need inspiration. How do I find that spark again?

This is not who I want to be.

9:28 am - 23.01.14

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

When there's no 'there' there to grip - 17.03.14 - 2:09 pm

but whatever, nevermind - 07.03.14 - 4:35 pm

A faint scent of incense - 07.03.14 - 3:51 pm

I prefer to think of it as a downward spiral. - 08.02.14 - 8:14 pm

A little floral burrito - 27.01.14 - 11:45 am

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