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blowing smoke

warning: very rambling entry ahead...it probably makes no sense, sorry


I have a smoke break buddy at school. I don't know why this makes me so happy, but it does.

And yes, before you lecture (because you care, I know....)...let me tell that you it's just on Thursdays. Thursdays are my smoke days. Thursdays are my smokes-on-the-commute-and-during-break days.

I am so freaking healthy the other six days of the week it would make your head spin. OK, except for that part where I'm not exercising enough.

But I digress. I have a smoke break buddy and this makes me happy.

His name is Joe Cool and the funny thing is that he's this guy who completely shined me one night last semester. Now all of a sudden he's my pal. It's probably just the cigarettes. He discovered I was a fellow covert smoker (he hides his occasional puffing from his wife) the day we had that earthquake and the class fled to the quad to wait out the tremors. We shared a cigarette that afternoon and laughed off a few of our classmates who looked horrified at the sight of gray smoke curling into the air. Since then we often meet up during the break and talk about husbands and wives and writing and covert smoking.

Thursday night we didn't convene but at one point during the break he called my name.

Shivers!

I think he had to call for me a few times, I was daydreaming about something.

Then finally: Yes?

Joe Cool:Shiv - are you going for drinks with us after class?

Me: Yeah, I think so, at least one drink before I have to make the drive back....

Joe Cool: (smiling) Good!

Later that night at the dive bar, after my one drink and before I started out on my long drive home, we walked outside for a cigarette and he asked me what I thought about my workshop last week.

I was honest with him and told him it freaked me out a bit-that it overwhelmed me and made me want to drop out of school.

Joe Cool: I could tell something was wrong, you seemed really quiet, standoffish. I thought maybe you were pissed.

I assured him I was now OK. After reading through all my critiques and then talking to V, our instructor, for an hour on Thursday afternoon, I felt more focused and able to take on the revision as well as take on the mere act of continuing to write. And so we talked about that and all the while I'm standing there, inhaling and exhaling smoke, thinking: was I standoffish? I don't remember being standoffish...but it's interesting and nice that there's someone here who even bothered to take note.

Because there were a few people in class, including one girl who continually goes hot-and-cold on me, who really pissed me off last week-but for another reason outside of my workshop. Without going into all the details it's jus that sometimes there's this real clique-y feeling in that department. This, if you're not on campus five days a week and hanging out with us at the bar every night then you're OK, but not really part of us vibe. It's OK most of the time, I'm not there to try and win the Grad Queen Harvest Ball Crown...but sometimes it's nice to not feel like you're always on the fringes, you know?

And so yeah, I'm glad I have a smoke break buddy.

10:29 am - 09.27.03

sounds: quiet Saturday morning sounds
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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