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come see how OK we are...

Just sitting here listen to Kr1sten Hersh's Sunny B0rder B1ue record - the one that got me through that rollercoaster summer of 2001. The summer of the Rock Star, the rocky end-of-the-honeymoon phase with GB, the hours of (solo) therapy, the crying, the venting, the summer road trip with K. and Jules, the solo train ride home from Chicago. Applying to grad school and worrying.... All those nights hanging out at the cafe, wondering about the direction of my life, my marriage, my goddamned sanity. Pre-9/11 - pre-the world as we now know it.

How far have I come? How far have GB & I come?
Coming up on our six year wedding anniversary (!) and also about to move into the house, quite far I'd say....

And then again, maybe not so much.

I sometimes still have the heaviness in my heart. I still have the what-ifs? I still think about the future and wonder if he & I are on the same page. Of course we are in so many ways....but then we aren't in others.

I've told myself to wait two years before bringing up, once again, the topic of moving. I know he's not keen on the idea. His family is mostly here as is much of mine. We've got a network of friends. A history.

And somedays I can't even fathom the idea of ever leaving this place.

And other days? I'm mentally packing my bags, sifting through the debris, mapping out highways and byways out of here.....

Must wait at least two years before talking about it again.

Where will we be two years from now? I wonder if I'll still care, if I'll still feel the pull of other cities, the weight of this city dragging me down ...

Or? Or....not?

10:45 am - 06.16.05

sounds: Kr1sten Hersh
words: back my thoughts
i am: nostalgic

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previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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