| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- day three of my new life day three of my new life - i.e. back to work. Finally feel like I'm able to breathe. Finally, the headache is subsiding. On Monday, after only 2 hours back on the job, my boss looked at me and said 'what happened? you don't look refreshed like you've just come off a 2-week vacation.' Yeah, well that's what happens when you have to wade through 782 e-mails (60 percent spam) and find out that your piddling little project has suddenly been elevated to major status and must be turned around PRONTO (as in: "are you done yet?") and oh, that other piddling project? We've moved up the due date for that - surprise and welcome back! And then all this other political crap that suddenly surfaced and just made my blood boil. And it just made me think: WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? Why aren't I traveling around the globe? Why aren't I living in another state/country like I always thought I would? Why aren't I bilingual? Why why why why do I always sell myself short? Last night I started fantasizing about moving to Alaska - just a for a few years. I'm serious. But of course the spouse would never go for it. And as much as I love him that's something that infuriates me about him. There are so many things - so many much-milder-than-Alaska-things that he would never go for. And there is so much that I want to go for. And I feel held back. But is it him holding me back? Or me? And is Alaska really the answer or is there something else I need to address? Last night's writer's group was both good and bad. Good supportive feedback on my story, but I got stressed out as we talked about thesis stuff and I also felt a bit down that I won't be graduating with these people - I'll be a semester behind them since I'm going part-time. Leave it to me to always find the cloud inside the silver lining, right? But today I got an e-mail from my favorite wrong-eyed j3sus (i e-mailed him on a whim yesterday) and his response was so wonderfully JW - this man knows how to make you feel like you're a somebody in this world, not just one of a million nobodies. I do adore him and wish he was part of my immediate circle of friends. I wish he was here and not in Florida. But then again, maybe that is part of what makes him special. He is like my far-away guardian - well, not guardian angel, more like my guardian cowboy, my personal wrong-eyed j3sus. Oh that doesn't make jack shit for sense, I know, just trust me...he is just all that and I really needed to hear from him today and there he was. If he can continue to make his art and be who he is despite the real-life trappings of hard luck and no money...surely I can get off my ass and stop whining and just be already. He's had to give me this message a million times before and he'll probably have to give it to me again...but just be, just be... 11:21 am - 08.06.03
sounds: J0y Divisi0n ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
||||||