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all my mistakes are old ones...

'm not sure the whys-and-hows of it all...but sometimes the old depression returns, heavy and gray and just a little bit misty, like morning rain.

I walked to lunch to meet RV and thought he stood me up. Turns out he was just really really late and didn't have my cell phone number...but before I knew that, before - just thinking that my old friend was being careless and inconsiderate - I trudged back to work (grabbing a cheapie salad at Jack's for my desk) and argued with myself during the entire 10-minute walk.

Me: I'm just hating everything right now
Me: Maybe you're depressed
Me: No...
Me: I'm just sayin'...
Me: I mean, maybe you should consider therapy again
Me: Eh...
Me: Or anti-depressants....
Me: But I hate the pills!
Me: Which do you hate on more, the pills or the depression?
Me: With the pills you get wieght gain and sexual apathy, so where's the fun in that?
Me: OK, so back to the therapy....
Me: I haven't seen my therapist in years, I got wise to all her tricks...
Me: So get a new one....
Me: Do you know hard it is to break in a new one? There's the backstory, the confessionals, the first-time crying jags....
Me: You're impossible...
Me: I know, I know....

And then I got to my desk and there was a message from RV explaining the problem and I smiled, called him back and tried to wipe all the other I-feel-sady thoughts outta my head...but it's kind of hard because I went to bed in a bad mood, woke up in a bad mood and am sitll feeling kind of heavy, gray and misty...It's just the same old, same old really....

4:26 pm - 22.05.06

sounds: Broken S0cial Scene
words: R0se of No Man's Land
i am: blah

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previously on ... - next time on ...

faraway, so close - 19.04.08 - 11:35 am

a shaky sorta mellow - 17.04.08 - 2:04 pm

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree (and i want to eat it) - 16.04.08 - 4:19 pm

everyone says they know you - 15.04.08 - 12:53 pm

in which i grade myself on a generous curve - 14.04.08 - 5:37 pm

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