| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- revolution + desire So after sitting through class overwhelmed with a dreadful feeling of self-loathing (instead of doing the in-class exercise I repeatedly scribbled things like �I hate myself, I hate this class, I hate you all. I suck. I do not belong here. I am an imposter. I have no talent�) I drove home listening to �Exile in Guyvi11e� at top volume and just asked myself repeatedly why?. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I feel so stuck? Why am I NOT writing? Why am I NOT exercising? Do I need the meds? Or, do I need to just be nicer to myself and treat my mind and body well � i.e. by exercising and making time in the day to do those things that are important (writing). I don�t know�it�s the never-ending question since Day One (day one being the day I was diagnosed with depression � way back in 1994). Anyway. This morning, after resetting the alarm twice I finally dragged my ass out of bed and went for a really brisk, heart-pumping walk (don�t laugh � I don�t pump my arms like a �power walker� � but it�s still a good workout). It was a lovely, crisp spring morning and when I got home I felt wonderful. Less achy. Less grumpy. Tomorrow I�m getting up early to write. And yoga in the afternoon. I see it this way: I can either keep complaining or I can do something. I�m very tired of the former so I�ll try the latter. 10:45 am - 03.06.03
sounds: Pretty Girl$ Make GraveS ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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