| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i was here but i disappeared There's been a lot in the way of self-loathing lately, triggered mostly by the Heathers. They are well-heeled, well-bred and well-read. Their presence makes me feel stupid and dumpy and schlumpy. They've traveled extensively. They wear expensive designer clothes, they quote obscure lyrics and know that the tiny French town is located in a remote part of the Alps. Also, we have been so broke lately (thanks to the new house) that it feels like a major extravagance when I spend $20 on a pair of clearance boots (so cute though - mid-calf, camel leather, spike heel) and then I come to work and one of the Heathers is wearing these gorgeous chocolate suede knee high boots that cost $165. She's younger than me and makes a whole lot less and although I know she doesn't have the house payment - still, WTF? How does she afford that and why I am guilting myself over a pair of $20 boots? Also, yesterday I interviewed some famous people (blonde actress who is a redhead in her new film and shaggy-haired actor who is part of a famous family) and during the whole waiting-around-process, I tried to (because I'd been reading The Washingt0nienne on the train and decided to try to find out what it would be like to be that girl) flirt with various members of the entourage. But I think my flirting skills are rusty because I didn't score any blow or hot sex. Not that I would have done the blow. Or the hot sex (well, probably not anyway), but I just wanted to see if my pathetic self could get ANY kind of positive affirmation. Fuck. Also, I am here right now but I don't know if I want to be here. And by here I mean HERE in this tiny corner of the Web. It's not you, it's me. But everytime I think of deleting the account for good I am struck by the overwhelming desire to come whine in anonymity. Like I said, pathetic. I know, you don't have to tell me. 4:55 pm - 10.11.05
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money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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