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i just don't know what to do with myself

I really do not understand my family.

My grandmother has begged me for months to come out and visit her in Texas. GB and I finally coordinate the time off and I call to tell her. She seems happy but says she has to check with my aunt because that may be the weekend they're in SoCal.

Now I've just gotten an e-mail from my aunt asking us not to come.


I just spoke with Mom about your plans to visit. To talk with her, you would think she is the busiest peson on earth! She is really having a tough time and tries her best to just get through each day. She misses Papa so much and is beside herself about the upcoming anniversary of his death. He died Feb 27,04. Her house is a wreck and although she has a housekeeper, she is really more of a companion and not much organizing and cleaning gets done...She also has trouble sleeping and often goes to bed in the early morning, so she doesn't seem to have a schedule. You are always welcomed to come and stay with me in my home. The only problem with that is that I am extremely busy with my real estate brokerage and can't take the time off to entertain you, as I would like to do. Let's put off your visit in favor of a time when both Mom and I are feeling better emotionally. Please continue with your notes and calls to both of us, as you will always have a very special place in our! hearts. Please understand. I love you.

I can't really argue or protest ... my aunt's husband died last August after a long struggle with lung cancer. I know things must be hard.

I just feel sad, extremely disappointed and more than a little hurt. Am I selfish? Yes, probably. I just don't know what else to feel. I'm trying very hard to fit compassion and empathy in there but it's hard when you feel as if you have virtually no contact with an entire side of your famly - and not for a lack of trying.

OK, I'm going to quit feeling sorry for myself now. There's nothing I can do about it, 1500 miles away.

8:02 pm - 02.16.05

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

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Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

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