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it's the start of the breakdowns

Well, it happened. I got into my first choice for grad school.

I'm pretty happy and excited about this but, of course, imposter syndrome has already set in:

They just want my money and didn't have enough applicants this year.

I won't live up to the letters of recommendation and I will disappoint everyone greatly

I will flame out within the first semester

This won't result in anything of worth because you're not good enough

I'm doing my best to ignore/push through the stupid voices in my head. I've actually started the program already with a summer school class on narrative writing. It should take me two years to complete the program and it's nearly entirely remote except for the in-person residencies.

Unfortunately, due to the plague, this summer's week-long residency is virtual but the director of grad studies is tentatively planning a mid-October four-day mini residency.

Last time I went to grad school I took two classes per semester and commuted 90 minutes each way to get there. I was still at the big corporate paper then but I had a boss who was more than willing to work with me on my schedule (it helped that I was covering the local arts/nightlife then and could essentially create the schedule I needed). Still, even with that support I had a meltdown about half-way through the semester because I felt overwhelmed with the workload, etc. After that one day (sobbing, panic attack), however I somehow pushed ahead and finished the program in two-and-half years (it was a two-year program but because it was in person I could only go part-time--which I tried to make up for by taking summer school classes/independent studies).

This first full semester in the fall I'll still be teaching remotely from home so I hope that makes the transition a little easier--still I'm prepared that there may be a breakdown or two.

Anyway, here's to new academic adventures. And meltdowns.

7:44 pm - 04.06.21

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

it's the start of the breakdowns - 04.06.21 - 7:44 pm

educate me - 06.05.21 - 2:26 pm

calling from beyond the grave, i just wanna say 'hi dad' - 07.04.21 - 9:21 pm

tired in the bones - 22.03.21 - 1:43 pm

baby, all we need is a shot in the arm - 13.03.21 - 8:13 pm

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