| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mind the gap I keep thinking: "This isn't the reaction I expected to have" but that sounds weird and maybe even cold. Of course the truth is I couldn't know what my reaction would be because I didn't expect it. I mean, in some ways I did because it's cancer for fuck's sake. But in other respects I've been so lucky not to have ever lost a loved one prematurely. My grandparents lived fairly long lives. Their deaths did not shock. My mother is only, what--67? 68? It upsets me that I don't know this. That there are so many things I don't know about her. Point is, though, she's too damn young. Point is, I had so much more to learn about her and the act of learning with her requires a painstacking dismantling of the bricks that have built up around her. Suddenly I am grieving the loss of her, the loss of all that and she's not yet gone. On my last trip to Texas I'd thought I'd reconciled so many things: That we would never be particularly close. That she would never let me much further in. That there would always be secrets. That maybe, as a reporter, I could uncover a few truths on my own but those revelations would never come via her. Now I feel like such a liar. There is no reconcilation. Only a sudden, desparate need to mind the gap, reveal the histories, find some genuine love and warmth in our shared history. 11:26 am - 01.09.15
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Yes, with many - 16.09.15 - 10:30 am Some summers, they drop like flies - 09.09.15 - 11:32 am Better than OK - 05.09.15 - 6:54 pm Goddamn, this week - 04.09.15 - 4:49 pm Goodbye, Brianna - 03.09.15 - 1:10 pm |
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