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A flurry of hellos and goodbyes

So C is out of town, since this morning through Sunday. And of course I was elated at the thought of having the house to myself for that long but then I made the mistake of filling up most of my hours with work and now I'm sitting here and everything is quiet and I'm supposed to go out for farewell drinks for someone at the Old Job.

I don't want to, of course. It has nothing to do with the co-worker. He's like a younger brother to me and for that alone I will drag myself off this couch and go for at least one drink and I'm sure it will be fine but I really really don't feel like being social right now.

J., the distinguished author and workshop instructor, didn't really like my story a few weeks ago--I could tell--but she did like last week's and then that felt good until I got her feedback of the novel chapters I submitted and she straight up told me my heart is clearly not in my story and I need to ask myself why I'm writing it. I guess I am paying for this brutal honesty. Feels like grad school all over again. I suppose that is good, if by "good" you mean "ugh, awful, stop, this hurts." I know, creating hurts.

I want to respond to her that my heart IS it in, I'm just struggling to find the center of the story. I'm not sure if a response is really warranted at this point but, at the very least, it's given me a lot to think about.

As for houses and all that. I understand what you are talking about. I don't necessarily think owning a house will change the feelings--at least not drastically. On the one hand we do have the ability to make the changes we want to our house. On the other hand we are mostly too broke to do so--and our house IS very small. What kills me is that it's actually the biggest house we've lived in together and sometimes it feels like the smallest. Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that I think you'll always feel those eyes of other people, you'll always sense those mental notes happening. At least I do.

I suppose I should stop sulking and go get dressed now. One drink and a flurry of hellos and goodbyes. That's it, I can do this.

7:16 pm - 01.08.17

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

It's almost Christmas ... - 04.09.17 - 1:07 pm

for the love of all that is academic and holy - 24.08.17 - 7:52 pm

Day three of my new(ish) academic life - 23.08.17 - 9:11 pm

on friends and loneliness - 11.08.17 - 9:14 pm

Summer here, almost gone - 04.08.17 - 7:55 pm

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