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once and future comforts

I finally had my appointment with the specialist on Friday.

C came with me, he wanted to be there when I spoke to the doctor. The doctor's bedside manner was, well, lacking. He was fine, I guess. Just all business, no chit chat. I like a little chit chat.
In any case, he examined my ears, nose and throat as well as my glands. He also asked a million questions and made me do some follow-the-movement eye tests.

At the end he said that the exam was "unremarkable," which initially made it sound like everything was fine and I'm just hard of hearing so stop being a baby already. But, no. He followed that up with the recommendation for an MRI. I had to ask several questions to get at the what and why of it all--and perhaps he would have given me this information eventually but it felt like he was making me do all the work.

In short, it could be any number of things. Based on my symptoms, which include occasional dizziness, it could be the result of a stroke (!) or a tumor. Or, the hearing loss could be genetic. Or it could have been caused by a virus.

He dismissed, seemingly outright, my questions about the link to my Hashim0tos disease, which annoyed me. It seemed like he misunderstood my question but I've decided to let it go until after the MRI.

When he said the word 'stroke' I felt myself tear up just a little and then I looked over at C and was glad he was with me. It didn't change anything, it just gave me comfort.

On the way we took the elevator down; it was crowded with couples, most of them much older than us. There was a wife and her husband. They must have been in their 80s. She was tall and broad, he was slight and frail. She stood facing the elevator doors and he faced her. Gently, she turned him toward the doors, squeezing his shoulder gently.

Later, C said "that was our future."
"That's us now," I said.
"It's the now and the future," he said.

Yes, yes it is.

1:37 pm - 06.05.18

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

i don't like discos - 06.06.18 - 2:56 pm

welcome, ghosts - 04.06.18 - 8:54 pm

a different state of mind - 21.05.18 - 6:26 pm

there's something about the summer - 17.05.18 - 5:07 pm

it's just a day anyway - 13.05.18 - 6:37 pm