all the bridges blown away keep floating up

Just more of the same around these parts. More work than I can shake a stick at and just generally feeling breathless and anxious.

I think I am slowly getting back on track however Ė I hope to be back up to speed by next week. I havenít missed any work or school deadlines yet but itís definitely been a real juggling act. I spend my days jacked up on caffeine and have now resorted to popping two Tylenol PM tablets at night so that I can actually get a good nightís sleep. definitely been a real juggling act. I spend my days jacked up on caffeine and have now resorted to popping two Tylenol PM tablets at night so that I can actually get a good nightís sleep.

Yes, coffee and Tylenol PM. This is the square geek girlís version of uppers and downers.

And as if I didnít have enough work to do I have to find time sometime today or tomorrow to hit the stupid fucking mall for a pair of shoes for this weekendís wedding in Pasadena and a birthday card for GBís grandmother. And donít roll your eyes at me on the shoe thing Ė I swear to God I do not have a pair of dressy black shoes. I do not know HOW this happened Ė me of the millions of pairs of shoes. I think I must have thrown out a pair (a ratty pair, most likely) or something. I donít do dressy very often so it doesnít surprise me that much that I just now noticed that the only dress shoes I have are in copper and gray satin. I do have one pair of black high heels but the heels are platforms and they DEFINITELY donít go with the cocktail dress Iím wearing. Way too Spice Girls.

Iíd love to find a nice vintage pair but I donít have time Ė so the mall it is. Something kind of basic.

Ö..This whole sniper business has me disturbed. With the impending war in Iraq and now the sniper I just canít help shake the feeling that we are in store for some really fucked-up times. Not that I really think the snipers are terrorist-related. I just have this overall sense that we are all just teetering on the edge of something even more dreadful.

Just another reason why I have trouble sleeping at night. Last night I took two Tylenol PM tablets and had a beer for added oomph. Probably not the wisest mood Ė I got up at one point to go to the bathroom and actually felt a bit dizzy. And even with that I didnít sleep all the way through the night. I got up at least four times. At least my cat slept through the morning instead of getting me up to feed her and play with her. Must be grateful for the little things, I suppose.

Iím grateful that itís only 65 degrees right now. Maybe it wonít end up being 90 degrees today after all.

Iím grateful that I got my period yesterday Ė not so much because I thought I might be pregnant but because it meant I could go back to feeling semi-normal and have clear skin for at least two weeks or so. Although the fact that I seem to be getting my period every three weeks now is not very good.

Iím grateful that itís only 12:30 p.m. and I am done with project and have the rest of the afternoon to work on another one. I might get really really decadent today and go to the gym for an hour.

I havenít been to the gym in a month. I have only worked out a few times at home in the last month.

That is so not good.

The only reason Iím not gaining weight is because of my nerves and anxiety. I suppose Iím grateful for that too Ė always look on the bright side huh?

YepÖthatís meÖ.The Shivers of Sunnybrook Farm

PS, confidential to you - i wish I could do something magical to make things go better. I'm thinking of you and wishing good thoughts, my dear....

1:14 pm - 10.15.02

sounds: Liz Phair - Exile in Guyville
words: daily newspaper
i am: eating lunch


previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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