| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- emotional levy Everything here is hot, dusty and I am sore and there's a tired, burning feeling behind my eyes. Last night was rough. K. called while I was at GB's show, orange kitty had taken a turn for the worse. He was tossing and turning and whimpering. The vet said it was up to her as to whether to bring him in early or not. At 10pm, K decided to wait. I told her to call me if she decided otherwise. She called at 3 a.m. but by the time I got over to her house, she'd already talked to two emergency doctors who said it would be better to wait until the morning. That bringing him in early wouldn't change anything because, judging by his symptoms, he wasn't in pain, only dying. I guess there can be a difference between the two things but it made my insides freeze to see him on the bed, open-eyed and struggling. K. kept a vigil back and forth between his spot on the guest futon while I slept in her bed with the younger, gray cat. It took me awhile to drift off in her bedroom - I felt disoriented the way I do in hotel rooms. Also,there was a loud night bird outside the window, insistent with his pretty, shrill song. When I finaly did sleep, it was deep and hard and I dreamed of pulling hot, rough weeds from a flowerbed - a prelude, I suppose, to my afternoon. Finally woke up about 7:30. She was up, drinking coffee. The front door was open and everything in the house felt quiet and still and clean. She told me he'd gone about an hour before. I felt relieved yet, yet....yet awful. She showed me some pictures of him as a kitten - all orange and cream poufy-ness and a giant, giant head that was almost all ears and nose. We then walked up to get coffee and marveled at how awake the world is at 8:30 on a Sunday morning. Finally, we drove him to the vet and I tried not to burst into tears when she did. 18 years is a good run for an orange cat, and yet somehow it's not enough. Tomorrow we're going to head out of town for a day trip. We'd been meaning to take another road trip this summer - a nod to 2001's Rt. 66 trek - but life keeps getting in the way so this will have to do until we find a way to smooth out a longer stretch of time. 7:58 pm - 06.26.05
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