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you will hanker for an anchor to cling to...

well the good news is that I got the Thursday night workshop – 6-8:30p.m. The bad news is that I haven’t heard back from the Dean in regards to my independent study proposal. And of course that means I’m getting all paranoid (She hates it. She hates me. I should just drop out now).

Breathe.

Breathe.

Ugh.

Other good news: Cupcake and I have patched things up and made tentative plans to meet next week.

Other bad news: Yesterday I stuck a small carton of cottage cheese in the department fridge. Got it out today and halfway through my mid-morning snack realized that it was now partly frozen. Not very good.

Last night GB, K and I went to see The Good Girl. Not as amazing as I’d hoped it to be but still pretty good – I really like Jennifer Aniston when she does indie films (and I’m NOT a fan of “Friends”) – and definitely an accurate portrayal of small-town Texas hell….take it from me.

So…tomorrow is the first day of school…am I nervous? Hell yes.

Last night as I was relaxing on the couch post-movie, pre-bed, I suddenly remembered my first day of junior high.

Man was that hell.

My mother registered me for a science class that year – only in this particular school most kids didn’t take science until the 8th grade.

I was petrified of being the only 7th grader in a class of 8th graders.

I mean they were only a year older – but to me it felt like they were 20 years older. I really didn’t want to take the class.

Perhaps it was this fear that contributed to me getting horribly lost right before that class on the first day of school.

Terribly and horribly lost. I could not find the class to save my life.

Instead I spent the entire period (third period – why is it that we remember these sort of details?) walking around the campus – scared shitless of course.

I was a) afraid I would never find the class b) afraid someone would stop me and accuse me of cutting class c) afraid I would actually find the class and have to walk in very late.

Why I never asked someone to help me once it became clear that I was off track – well, I don’t know. I was 12-years-old, chubby and wearing glasses and the wrong clothes. Give me a break.

I did end up finding the room About 20 minutes before the end-of-class bell.

After noting the location I ducked into the bathroom and hid until 4th period.

The next day I told the teacher I got sick and had to go home – she asked if I had a readmit form.

Ummm, no, I said. I didn’t know you were supposed to have one.

I guess she took mercy on me because it was the first week of school and all – and I probably looked as scared as I felt. Anyway, she didn’t press the matter and to make a long story short it all ended up as you probably would expect it to.

I made friends with people in my class. After some initial questioning from some of my classmates (Why are you in an 8th grade class?) they all treated me fairly normally and everything was about as OK as things can be when you’re 12-years-old, chubby, wearing glasses and the wrong clothes and in junior high in Texas.

I think tomorrow will be a better experience. At least I hope so.

(At least I already know where my class is).

Of course, I’m still trying to figure out what to wear – these things still matter, you know?

11:41 am - 08.28.02

sounds: Neko Case - Blacklisted
words: this article
i am: nervous

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previously on ... - next time on ...

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