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Hold on, hold on

Has it really been more than three months since my last post? Oh, time...you betray me everytime.

It's been a long, long spring. A very difficult one. Rejection has been had. Not death, though, so there is that.

But now there is a chance that C could be sick. Ultrasound yesterday. Best-case scenario it is nothing life-threatening. Just something that will require routine surgery. Worst-case, of course, is something worse. The doctor seems to think it's not anything to worry about. He seems confident that it's just the routine thing. So I'm trying to stay upbeat (as opposed to storming the hospital's imaging room and yelling, 'what do you mean you can't give me the results now?!'

On top of the physical worries, he's been suffering from serious Grade A anxiety and depression lately. The worst I've ever seen it. He finally started on some medication and he's seemed a little better the last two days--well as better as one can seem when they're awaiting possibly life-changing results from a doctor.

Elsewhere life just feels like it's suspended in an endless holding pattern. It feels like a question mark that I can't straighten into a clear line of direction.

We've been searching for a house and that's been a brutal experience. Thanks to the short sale we only qualify for an FHA loan right now and that coupled with our self-imposed price cap and very low inventory on the market has made it a demoralizing task. We put in one offer on a house but didn't get it. Later I saw that the house sold for less than our bid and I'm left to wonder if that's because of the FHA aspect and/or low down payment or because the buyer paid in cash.

We almost put in an offer on another house over the weekend. A 2Br Craftsman built in 1928. Absolutely adorable and even though we really wanted a 3 bedroom, it was spacious enough to work. But it was literally just steps from a freeway overpass and ultimately we decided it was just too noisy to be a good buy.

We've looked at so many houses at this point--online and in person--that it's just become something of a grim joke between me and C. Our Realtor jokes that I know just as much about the market as she does--"maybe you should get your license. I'm serious!"--but my exhaustive searching is, in a way, a weird way of keeping sane.

And then there is the job thing. Another job has, theoretically, come up at the college. My two friends there think I stand a really strong chance--apparently the person they hired over me last time isn't working out too well and that may bode in my favor. "I'm trying not to do the 'I told you so dance,'" my friend says. "But I am."

In any case, this job does not, supposedly, have a Ph.D requirement.

Anyway, it's all theoretical and supposed at this point because it's been two weeks since they told me about the job and it still hasn't been posted. The listing was supposed to live before Memorial Day and the application period was supposed to close June 1. It is now June 3 and I am so over all this waiting.


So, that's my life in a nutshell these days. It's not all bad--despite the whininess of this post--and really the only truly important thing here is my husband's health. I hope there are answers today.

11:40 am - 03.06.15

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

Home again - 13.07.15 - 3:47 pm

Our friends and neighbors .... - 07.07.15 - 11:24 am

what we'll leave behind - 19.06.15 - 4:00 pm

What do you mean you can't go home again? - 17.06.15 - 4:26 pm

waiting to exhale - 08.06.15 - 3:12 pm

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