| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the need to destroy things creeps up on me every time ... I really don't understand my mind sometimes. Yesterday I felt such a horrible sense of heaviness, of sadness. Of never reaching a goal, never being accomplished. A dinner with friends and a good talk with the spouse helped somewhat and today I feel lighter, more optimistic. Until the next time that I feel as though I've never accomplished anything. Now that I'm, once again, officially not pregnant I'm feeling incredibly mixed about the notion of motherhood. How can I be a mother and still do all the things I want to do? I've hardly traveled enough to my liking and I know having a child will, at least temporarily, keep that further out of reach. And writing a book? Or pursuing more education? I think that's the thing--there's so much I want to do and so little time. And I know a child will chip away at that time even more. And yet I want to be a mother. I'm just so profoundly aware that I can't do it all--at least not at once. Being impatient by nature this leads to many conflicted emotions. And a rambling, boring diary entry, too... 4:20 pm - 06.03.11
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money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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