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Let's say that to each other more often, OK?

Someone posted in the notes that perhaps my friend's remarks were meant to be kind and constructive. Trust me, they weren't. The remark--it was just one throwaway line, really--was mean, snide and flippant.

And despite every intellectual notion that I should ignore it, I can't. It's made me question myself. Am I selfish and self-absorbed? I mean, I know I can be--but to the extent that she would say such a belittling thing? Am I so unlikable that she wanted to put me in my place?

Am I such a shitty human being?

C has tried to reassure me and, again, intellectual notions and all that, it's easy to reassure my brain, but my ego and heart not so much.

We went out with G&T on Sunday to visit our good friend J, recently hospitalized with a stroke. On the way home C wanted me to tell them about the book thing but I couldn't bring myself to it.

R's comment really took the wind out of my sails, I told him.

I'll get over it eventually. But, still.

In any case back to J. I've been friends with him all of my adult life, known who he was since I was 14. He was at our wedding. I used to work for him. We recently worked together on some projects. He's a local music guy here--everyone knows him, everyone loves him. Famous for booking N*rvana at the tiny, grungy club here before they became big. Famous for just being himself. Kind, thoughtful, passionate about music and art and community.

To see him in a wheelchair, difficulty talking, etc--and yet, and yet still smiling and laughing at our stories. Did my heart good.

I love you, I told him not once but twice during our visit, realizing that in our decades of friendship I'd never told him that before.

Let's say that to each other more often, OK?

3:49 pm - 21.08.18

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

wondering if i'll ever bury the hatchet inside - 03.10.18 - 8:51 pm

remember to breathe (2018 edition) - 30.09.18 - 8:21 pm

you in that autumn sweater - 22.09.18 - 6:22 pm

17 years or 17 seconds? - 11.09.18 - 9:57 pm

come pick me up - 08.09.18 - 3:17 pm

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