| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- drop the needle on the record The start of another day and it�s actually started off well. You see I actually got my lazy butt out of bed at 6:30 a.m. and got to work by 8 a.m. and worked on a short story for nearly an hour-and-a-half. I didn�t even log onto the Web until 9 a.m. (to check something for reference). The story actually started to take a little more shape and I think I have a better understanding of what I am trying to do with it. It feels good to be a bit more confident with it. Now if I can keep this up � if I can maintain creative discipline � then I should have the story completed by the end of the month. That gives me December to fine-tune it and the other story and also, hopefully, start on a third one. I need three complete stories for one school but only two for another. I have several very very very short stories that I�ve done as exercises or as part of a workshop. If I run out of time (applications are due by Jan. 15) I can submit one of those as the third story. But I do hope to start that third story because it�s been stirring inside of me for a few months now � I feel pretty strongly about it. But I�m committed to finishing the one I�m working on now because I�ve come so far on it and I�d rather finish it before starting something new. I�d like to have two finished stories rather than a bunch of half-started ones. Last night GB and I had a really good talk. It started with a mini-argument about finance. It looks like I�m going to have some work done on my car, it seems to be burning oil. That added to the cracked windshield I need to replace means I need to come up with a nice chunk of cash. Luckily I actually have a fair amount of money set aside. Yesterday I realized I had a check coming to me that I�d forgotten about and that puts me in a good position. But I still don�t know if I actually have enough to pay for the potential car repair � simply because I don�t know how much said repair will be. Still, I was feeling pretty good that I�d managed to budget a good bit of money but when I told GB this he just asked if I should be cutting out other things. This what not what I wanted to hear. Obviously I need to be cutting back on other things � and I have been. I have been taking my lunch almost every day, making coffee at home, etc. I have not bought that pair of shoes I really want. There are a lot of things I�ve passed on �including concerts, dinners, books, CDs. Now, this is no �cry for me� rant � Even if this car repair means I have to sell a bunch of CDs that I never listen to anyway or pay less on a credit card bill this month, I just wanted him to appreciate the efforts I had made. Like the wonderful Miss Poesie I am in quite a bit of debt and it�s taking me a long time to get out of it. But I�m doing it. Slowly, but steadily. Anyway, the argument evolved into a discussion of how we are managing and how we will manage if and when GB loses his job. He has saved up a good chunk of money to cover the rent for a few months. I should be down to just one credit card bill by January so if I have to cut back on payments to cover more bills at least I am only cutting back on one payment. We both agreed we could manage for at least six months without any great trouble or having to ask anyone for help. He can get unemployment for six months and hopefully he�ll find a job in that amount of time. Yesterday he went to talk to someone at a rival company. The job in question won�t be open until at least January but they told him they were really impressed with his resume and would definitely want to talk to him again when it does open up. GB also faxed his resume to a good friend at another rival company. She said she�d pass it along to a few people. She�s the assistant to the president of that company so it has better luck going through her than Human Resources. GB told me he was feeling a little better about life in general. And that this whole thing is helping him to finally realize that his job isn�t his life (something I had to move to New York and get myself in horrendous debt to finally learn) and that whatever he ends up doing he wants to make his life better by eating better, exercising, reading more and so on. Forty-six days until the birthday. I�m not really counting. I just figured that out a second ago. Turning 32 doesn�t really bother me (it is 32 right? I didn�t forget a year did I?). It�s not the age thing that gets me it�s the notion that time continues to slip away minute by minute and there is still so much I want to see and do. My life�s to-do list grows longer by the second and sometimes it intimidates me. I ask myself OK, Miss Wannabe Smarty Pants � why can�t you just be happy living the so-called American Dream that your mother keeps talking about. Why do you have to do this and learn that and go there? You�ll only make yourself unhappy thinking about things you may never be able to do.. But if I stop thinking I can do them then suddenly life starts to feel very hollow and meaningless. So I keep on thinking I can because ignorance is bliss. I�m going to shut up now. I should have done that about six paragraphs ago. NP: Beulah �Burned by the Sun� 10:08 am - 11.07.01
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money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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