i was saved by rock'n'roll (Part 33 1/3)

Still wondering what the point of ANYTHING is ....at the same time that I'm realizing it's pointless to worry about the point especially since there usually isn't a point. What was my point again

I suppose you’re right, there really is not point. ..... It's just that sometimes I look back at these diary entries and realize how boring and whiny and laundry list-like that they tend to be....and I wonder, who really gives a fuck what I think and who's going to care about your stupid fiction - especially if it is, as you suspect, just plain ordinary. Ordinary is OK for some things but I don't want my writing to be ordinary...and yet I fear that that is exactly what it is. And I'm just this flip-flop of emotions. Alternately loving school (it's inspiring! Amazing! Wow!) and freaking out about it (It's intimidating! Overwhelming! Help!)....and trying to balance it with work and home....and family and friends.

But leave it to a little dose of rock’n’roll to soothe my ailing nerves. Two nights of pure rock fun – first with the Mekons and then with Wilco and the Minus 5.

We got our Wilco tix at the last second – freebies, yay – and they were these lovely reserved seats in the lower balcony. So we had an amazing view and the chance to rest our weary, sleep-deprived bodies (imsomnia seems to be my new worst friend) – although when W*lco launched into its “Being There” / “AM” – driven rock set it was all I could do not to get up and dance in the aisles. They played all of my old favorites and it made me both happy and sadly bittersweet. As I bobbed my head and moved my booty around the seat – toes a-tappin’ of course – I remembered the summer of ’97 when I saw Wilco three freakin’ times and would not have taken “Being There” out of my CD player if you had paid me.

And I will say this – it pleased me to no end to see all those cool hipster indie types last night – the same ones (including an ex-boyfriend) who scoffed at me because W*lco was “too country”. Heh. Add a little J*m Rourke to your new album and suddenly you – and your entire past catalog – are tres cool.

But whatever….I got to rock last night – and for free at that.

Oh, and I actually slept last night. Slept well. Slept long. I guess one night a week of good sleep is better than no nights at all.

Have I mentioned how wonderfully GB and I are getting along these days? I'm almost scared to say it - afraid of jinxing it you know...the past few days in particular have been really good. We're joking and laughing as if we've just newly discovered one another - you know that point in a relationship when everything sparkles and everything the other person says is clever and he or she brings out the best in you.

It's so much better than those times when we bring out the worst in one another...

On a tip from Mrs-Roboto (who was not tipping me directly, but I took her up on the 'suggestion' nonetheless) I have spent ridiculous amounts of money on some Bedhead hair products including this freaky spray stuff that straightens your hair and the wonderfully ooey-gooey "Shine Junkie". I must say I am definitely in love with this stuff. And $54 poorer.

Oh well...I have been spending mad amounts of money this month but am still doing OK. And most of it is stuff that I've needed. Replacing worn-out clothes and shoes. Buying school books. That sorta thing.

And anyway, we traded in a bunch of CDs at Ameoba yesterday and as I only walked out with two new discs (J*wbreaker Live / All Time Qu*rterback) I felt it was alright to indulge in the new hair care junk.

Alright, I must go and be productive - or not. I must go and seek out the point - or the lack of points...

ordinarily yours,

the shivers.

3:23 pm - 09.08.02

sounds: J*wbreaker - Live 4/30/96
words: various short stories
i am: OK, alright OK alright...


previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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