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i could die from never letting go....

Last night I dreamt about a house situated above a freeway. As I walked past the house I looked beyond it to the freeway down below and thought – no, I can’t do this.

Do what?

And then I noted the sky – a solid wall of pearl gray.

Perfectly gray, I though to myself. Even the one section that seemed more charcoal than pearly blended seamlessly – appearing like gradations in a rainbow.

I’m not sure of the significance of this dream but all throughout day I find myself returning to this image of a solid gray sky.

And I keep thinking about Sept. 11 and its one year anniversary next Wednesday.

Sunday, as I skimmed through the New York Times and various articles on the subject of 9-11, I found myself crying again. Something I thought I was over – done with.

Not so.

I asked GB if he’d thought about the anniversary at all. I told him that although I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do to commemorate it, I knew something had to be done.

He agreed and we talked about it for a while. Should we be by ourselves? Should we be with friends? After all it was our friends who made that day so bearable – going to dinner with Angel Boy and then to Café to watch the news on their big screen TV – being around those people who are like family.

I’m not entirely sure what is the right thing. I don’t want to take part of some larger memorial and of course “real life” always interferes with the best of intentions – I have homework and class the next day after all.

But to let it pass without some sort of planned acknowledgement – however quiet, however small – seems very wrong.

Maybe Angel Boy will be back from the Japanese tour by then and we can spend it with him.

Maybe we’ll drive out to the airport and take those pictures of the planes we keep talking about.

Or maybe we’ll just turn off the TV and listen to the quiet for a while.

Am I just making too much of this? What about the rest of you? What will you do? If anything?

2:40 pm - 09.04.02

sounds: $cout N*blett
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

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Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

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