| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- long story short It's three weeks to the day since my mom called me from the emergency room. This time three weeks ago I was driving home from the hospital to change clothes and pick up a few things for my mom, calling my brother from the car and asking him to call our other brother. "Can I come to the hospital," he asked. Within an hour all three of us had crowded around her bed as nurses moved nimbly about, never complaining that we were in the way. My brothers are eight and 10 years younger than me and even now I think of them as my "little" brothers. The boys. In these last three weeks I've watched in awe as they've stepped up, organized and focused. It's not perfect, this system we have and there's been some very minor pettiness but we all know it's rooted in stress and fear and love. Though wouldn't it be funny if it was the planning of my mother's 70th birthday brunch that drove us all apart in the end? Only three weeks. It feels like a lifetime. Tomorrow she finishes radiation for the brain tumor. At some point soon I imagine there'll be another MRI to chart its progress. We haven't even discussed the chemo plan--the doctor is still awaiting more comprehensive biopsy results but it's likely we're looking at several cycles. She's already put a deposit on a studio apartment in an assisted living place and soon my brothers and I will be tasked with packing up the home she's lived in for 35 years and selling it. There may not be much to pack up--she's giving away as much as possible and I just can't allow myself to dwell on the details of it all because otherwise I'll fucking lose it. All of this and I had to explain to someone today that, no, this was your adoptive mother who's sick. It's your biological mother who died of cancer in 2015 and your adoptive mother who comforted you through it. "It's confusing," you try to explain to your friend in an email. "Long story short: Fuck." 9:01 pm - 05.03.19
sounds: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
not a moment too soon - 13.04.19 - 11:04 am on grief, hairdryers and dinner plates - 07.04.19 - 3:33 pm the woefully short of it - 01.04.19 - 10:17 pm settling into a routine - 25.03.19 - 10:06 am i'm never smart about these things - 06.03.19 - 7:56 pm |
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