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in the season of the old me

Itís a startlingly gray June day (especially considering it was 100 degrees plus last week) Ö from where did those clouds and that wind come appear? Itís contributing to this peculiar sense of sadness and lonelineness that Iím feeling today. And really, I donít have time to be sad or lonely, I have way way way too much to do. Tonight is the writerís group. Tomorrow night is book group (Iíve actually read the book!). Thursday I need to write. Friday Ė no plans yet, but I know theyíre coming. Saturday itís the art show. Sunday itís studying and writing and then the cycle starts all over again.

Over and over and over and over.


Did I mention before that the spouse and I are planning a short-ish trip to the Grand Canyon? Yes, somewhere in the midst of madness I must start making plans. Itís happening mid-July.


Mostly it was a nice weekend except for one little spat that GB and I had Sunday morning before I left to study....a spat that left me feeling foul and frustrated and so then when the cute indie rock boy at the coffeeshop flirted with me yesterday morning I thought, momentarily, about some other life where I was single and datable and flirtable and not tied to arguments and anger and continuing patterns and so forth...

it was a brief, fleeting thought, but it was there....

But I guess that just goes with the marriage territory huh? No matter how happy or settled you may feel at times there are still so many 'what ifs' and 'maybes' and 'hey that person seems interesting'...we're only human, after all...


Did I mention I feel lonely? I do Ö everyone seems so far away Ė no matter how close they may be in reality. Everyone is wrapped up in his or her own lives. I feel peripheral. I feel incidental. Maybe it's just the changing of the seasons, maybe it's the faint creeping of nostalgia brought on by summer... I don't know but I feel like crying.

I'm sure this will, as always, eventually pass.

2:06 pm - 06.10.03

sounds: The Ki11s
words: Aimee B*ender
i am: perpetual

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previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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