| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- this is stupid, i'm smarting Well, wish me luck (or whatever's appropriate)....I'm meeting with CN today to discuss my thesis. She didn't have to, but she cleared her day to read it (all 87 pages) so that we could meet this afternoon. This means that, theoretically she could sign off on it today and theoretically I could have it proofed, polished and copied by Tuesday when I need to get the department chair's signature (VDW is signing it today). Which means that theoretically I could turn it in on Tuesday and be done with it which means it'd be done six days early and we'd get to go to Oregon (to visit GB's dad & stepmom) next weekend. This is all just hypothetical of course because theoretically she could also ask for some significant changes that will take longer than just the weekend to make. So I'm just trying to prepare myself for whatever happens and I'm at least thankful that CN is making the effort to work with me to meet, if not the earlier deadline, than at least the mandatory deadline. And like her, I'm grateful to my boss for allowing me to get off work early today so that I may head down to school early for this meeting. It honestly all feels like this giant weird obstacle course and it's odd to think that two-and-a-half years (has it really been that long????) of grad school is coming down to this. The thing that's making all of this just a little less exciting for me is M's reaction to my novel excerpt last week. Yes, it hurt my ego and yes I realize, as GB and K. have pointed out, that perhaps much of what she said came from a very subjective place. But it also makes me worry: what if VDW has just signed off on my thesis because he doesn't want to be bothered? (Part of this novel excerpt is included in the thesis). What if I'm truly just mediocre and he's just trying to get me through the system? I'm curious and nervous to hear what CN says. More than anything it might have been nice if M. had found some positive things to say during the workshop. Maybe she did, maybe I just didn't hear them, maybe I tuned out after a certain point. We're supposed to meet today as well. Maybe if I just stick in some more "edgy" scenes with f*cking and swearing, she'd like it better. You know, I can take criticism - I feel like I've dealt with it fairly well while in school. Certainly, in the past, VDW has had his brutal moments. There's just something about M's approach last week that really left me upset and angry. I wish I could explain it better so that I don't just sound like I'm peeved that she didn't like it better. I hope I'm not lying to myself that it's more than just that. At the very least perhaps it's just time for me to get out of school and take at least part of M's advice and figure out just why I'm writing and what's at stake here. God, honesty hurts. Actually, sometimes it just out and out sucks. 11:13 am - 11.18.04
sounds: Devendra B*rnhart ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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