| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some summers, they drop like flies Called BioMom today. In my mind I have this dream that the next few days, weeks, months, whatever, will bring us closer. That the sudden promise of death will open doors, build bridges and forge new paths. There's so much I could ask her.
Did you ever really want to be a mother? What was going through your mind when you left your wedding ring on the kitchen counter and took me to the childcare center right before you left for Bermuda. Or was it the Bahamams? I can't remember. Did you ever see pictures of me growing up? If not, what did you think I looked like? Did you ever conversations with me in your head? Did you really have that dream of me right before I finally called you when I was 26? Are you scared of me? Do you like me, even a little? In truth, however, I'm not so sure that's how this works. Today we mostly talked about our new house and her medications. "I'm on morphine," she told me. "Do you know anything about that?" "I've never taken it, but I've heard about its effects," I said. "It makes me--what's the term I'm looking for? 'Laid back,'" she said. "I've never taken anything like it before. The whole thing is a bit of a surprise--I'm not sure I like it." The morphone is a "breakout" drug--she takes it in between doses of her regular medication to manage the pain. Currently she has health care workers coming by only once a week. That's a good thing I guess. Honestly, I don't know. The whole thing is surreal. Meanwhile, summer is supposed to be on its way out but the temperatures here are climbing. Expected high of 104 today. 108 tomorrow. 109 on Saturday. Such fresh hell--particularly as September brings all those cozy tweeds, wools, boots and other autumnal fashions into stores. I want to be cozy. I want to nest. I want to see the leaves change color. I am so tired of summer. This summer in particular. This crazy, break-neck speed of a summer that has left me perpetually exhausted. Come on, summer--let's go more gently into that chilly night, OK? 11:32 am - 09.09.15
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Another thing to wonder - 17.09.15 - 1:12 pm Please, go gently into that good night - 17.09.15 - 11:39 am it's also true I lost the map - 17.09.15 - 9:52 am through the day - 16.09.15 - 12:59 pm Yes, with many - 16.09.15 - 10:30 am |
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