| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At the sound of a phone ringing It's the kind of phone call you never want to receive. I missed the call at first but when I saw the call and voicemail notification I right away knew something was wrong. It was 9 p.m. in Texas--far later than she normally calls. My biological mother has started hospice care. The cancer has spread. Chemotherapy is no longer an option because of what it did to her heart. Now it's only about pain management. Pain management. I am trying, I am trying so hard to manage my own pain but I know it's only a sliver of what she might be feeling. Only the tiniest bit of what my stepfather must be experiencing. Could be a year. Could be a much, much shorter timeframe. She was so stoic throughout much of the call. She tried to downplay it all. "I could get better. Some people get better. You never know, it happens." "It's not as awful as it sounds. They're taking very good care of me." It is as awful as it sounds. And we both know the truth that exists in the word "could." "Do you have any questions for me?" I have so, so many questions. But only a few are cancer-related. She told me she wanted to talk to me more in the coming weeks. Before we hung up her voice cracked and I could hear the sob. It's the first time she's cried in my presence since we finally met again 19 years ago. She doesn't want me to come out to see her yet but I'm going to be on the ready, set to fly to Wichita Falls at the sound of a phone ringing. 12:59 pm - 31.08.15
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Some summers, they drop like flies - 09.09.15 - 11:32 am Better than OK - 05.09.15 - 6:54 pm Goddamn, this week - 04.09.15 - 4:49 pm Goodbye, Brianna - 03.09.15 - 1:10 pm Mind the gap - 01.09.15 - 11:26 am |
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