you don't have to twist the knife

Saturday morning I e-mailed Cupcake and tried to honestly but politely convey to her how upset I was. I probably got a little emotional in the e-mail but I really did try to keep it off the 'fuck you' level and more on the 'what's going on?' level.

So, Sunday night I got a response .....

it basically said:

"I am out of town right now and too busy to deal with this but for the record I do not remember making a date for lunch with you or standing you up - but it does sound a lot like what you did to me a few weeks before that. You mean a lot to me so I'm not going to argue over who's right or who's wrong but neither of us has been good at keeping up this friendship. I also don't know what you're talking about when you say your e-mail to me bounced back because this e-mail address is working as I'm obviously using it to e-mail you."


Ok, now my first response really is "fuck you"

Talk about sending mixed messages. She doesn't remember making the date but if she DID make the date and stand me up then it sounds like what I did to her?(Which, for the record, was not showing up to a date for which we had never confirmed a time or place - she basically left me a message on my voice-mail one day at 2pm telling me where to meet her at 6pm and when I didn't show up because I didn't listen to my voice mail until 7pm, she got pissed at me)...

I am so frustrated and angry. When I read her e-mail I started crying. I don't know what frustrated me more - her response, or the fact that it was an e-mail on my computer screen which meant I'd have to go to the trouble of printing it out in order to crumple it up and throw it across the room to make myself feel better.


In complete contrast to this is an e-mail exchange I've been having with Funny Girl. FG's been frustrating me lately because she e-mails me to make a date and then I e-mail her back with a time and place and then she takes 2 weeks to e-mail me back and when she does there's no mention of getting together. Now, in FG's case, there are issues involving Angel Boy, her ex, with whom I'm still good friends. A while back she told me she got freaked out because I'd posted pictures taken of me & Angel Boy at a party on my blog (not this diary, obviously). She felt like it brought her too close to him and she wanted to avoid any thing to do with him. That kind of stung me because I felt as if I were being punished for still being friends with him, but I've tried to respect her feelings on this. I know it's been a very very very hard break-up - and the fact that he's now living with an 18-year-old girl? Doesn't help of course.

Anyway, I basically wrote her and told her I was frustrated and hurt and that I cared about her, etc.

FG e-mailed me this very nice, long e-mail Sunday and told me how sorry she was and how it had nothing to do with me and how she would make every effort to work on our friendship because it meant so much to her. No snippiness involved, just a nice honest e-mail that didn't make me feel like a big ol' loser for caring so much.

I really hate how even though I'm 33 years old my life still often feels like it's stuck in my sophomore year of high school. And not in a good way.

And you know what else? I've decided that e-mail can really really suck sometimes.

But in completely unrelated news, the spouse and I are going to the Grand Canyon next week and this is so going to kick ass over the real world. I cannot wait to get the hell outta Dodge.

11:18 am - 07.15.03

sounds: Jay Farr*r
words: 0ctavia But1er - Kindr*d
i am: ready to go


previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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