this is all I wanted, this is all I need...

well the good news is Ms. Doctor says she does not think the lump in my left ta-ta is cancer...but the bad news is that 'you can never be too sure' so I have to get a mammogram.

I suppose this is actually good news because a)Ms. Doctor is being careful w/ my life and b) she did not act like I was a hypochondriac freak or tell me that if I just got pregnant than everything would be OK.

I suppose y'all want me to back this story up a bit?

Two weeks ago found something suspicious while soaping up in the boob region in the shower. Even for someone who has notoriously lumpy tissue (Ms. Doctor said so herself, so there), this felt, well you know, different. It felt less like a lump and more like a, you know, lump.

So, finally, this morning, I get in to the Dr.'s office and get felt up and Ms. Doctor says it just feels like a cyst and should go away, but just to be sure we'll do the mammogram and if the mammogram should happen to show nothing but the probably-just-a-cyst-lump is still there in 2 weeks then we'll do a biopsy.

I don't know about a breast biopsy but I'm still writhing in pain from the cervix biopsy I had once - and that was 14 years ago.

Fun, fun.

On the plus side, even having the slightest notion that you might be staring down the C-word, especially at the not-so-ripe-age of 33 makes for some nice treatment by way of the spouse.

Let's hear it for sympathy niceness....

Anyhoo, in non-health-scare-related stuff

Thursday night, in between earthquakes and literary discussions, I got a good taste of just how competitive grad school can be.

Seems I had the luck and just a smidgen of foresight when I asked our new workshop director (a.k.a. Mr. Very Distinguished Writer, aka VDW) if he would be my thesis director. You see, I asked him this on the Thursday before school started when I ran into him as he was making his way back from the campus cafe towards the English Dept. I recognized him, stopped him, introduced myself and asked him about our book list for the course. I asked him this because I was missing orientation the next day (where instructors often give out the syllabus for a class). He was very nice and said he'd e-mail me the list -but could I email him to remind him to e-mail me? Sure...so I e-mailed him. And in the e-mail I said, "I'm sure you've been bombarded w/ requests, but I'd like to ask if you would consider being my thesis director - even though I'm not graduating until Dec. 2004.)

In his reply he said that no one had actually asked him yet, so that put me at the top of the list.

Well, I guess the next day at orientation a bunch of other people asked him but he told them that they should wait to ask him until they'd decided if they actually liked his teaching style or not. He also told them that he didn't have a cap on the number of students he could take.

So, I guess they waited until last Thursday and asked again. But suddenly he did have a cap - a three student cap to be exact. (To be fair, everything in the English grad. dept has been so crazed and chaotic this semester - it's been very frustrating and my guess is that he was given conflicting info by the schizo dept. heads)....then he asks me if I still want him to be my thesis director. I do. And people start freaking out. Not really freaking out towards me - though maybe just a little because I'm not even going to be working on my thesis until next semester, yet this still affects his cap - but just generally freaking out.

To his credit, VDW stands firm w/ being my thesis director ("You asked me and you were first, so as far as I'm concerned this is the way it is).....

The level of freaked-outness that people were displaying, however, showed to me just how big of a deal this is, or is supposed to be. And even though the girl who was the most freaked-out swears that she didn't have an issue w/ the fact that I'm not even going to be working with VDW until January, the whole Drama Queen routine really told me otherwise. And then there was the guy who asked me, half-joking, half-serious: What'd you do? Fly out to New York last month to ask him before he even got here?.

And what if I did?

I may just be going to school part-time and, thus, not in the same loop as everyone else (i.e. not graduating until Dec. 2004 instead of next May; unable to go to all the social functions), but I'm paying the same outrageous amounts in tuition (or, rather I will be once the student loans kick in), so I believe that I too, deserve my money's worth and the same opportunities....

Anyway, that was all probably very boring and inconsequential to most of you...but it's what's been (partly) on my mind.

In other thoughts:

  • I've just now realized how good R.E.M's Revea1 album is and Saturday night's show at the Shore1ine w/ Wi1co was just so much super-fun - I couldn't believe it'd been 15 years since the last time I saw them live....
  • I actually got some writing in this weekend...I'm almost happy to be back in the school groove, as stressful as it often is....
  • Anybody else watch that Showgirls special on HBO last ngiht? Creepy but intriguing...
  • I think we may finally be getting fall weather...then again, I probably just jinxed it all by typing those very words...

that is all...carry on....

2:33 pm - 09.08.03

sounds: R.E.M. - Revea1
words: Jean Rhys$ - Wide Sargass0 Sea
i am: you know, OK...


previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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