the most wonderful time of the year

Well, it's not exactly in the Christmas spirit to try and outdo a fellow D-lander, but I'd like to take Mrs-Roboto's holiday horror gift and see if I can do her one better.

While the lovely Mrs. R & her beloved got ugly, cheap-ass sweaters for Christmas from the spouse's parents, I think we may able to out-horror her.

Saturday we trekked over the freeway and through the rice fields to Grandma's house and an early celebration with GB's grandmother, dad, stepmom, sister, etc.

Dad and Stepmom live in Oregon - they moved up there in August of 2002 and were originally not planning to come down to celebrate. But after GB's dad called us to guilt us into going to Grandma's on Saturday (we'd already been planning on visiting her on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but whatever) because she was "worried no one would be there to celebrate Christmas with her, GB turned around and asked him why he and Stepmom weren't coming down as well.

Well, you see, said Dad, they'd just been down there for one of Stepmom's Herbalife meetings.

Yes, that's right, Stepmom sells Herbalife.

Eventually, Dad and Stepmom got the idea that foresaking a trip home just because they'd been down two weeks before to hawk Herbalife, would not fly very well with the rest of the family.

So, there they were on Saturday, all smiles and Christmas spirit.

Well, sort of. Dad was, but Stepmom was not. Well, she was, but they were those fakey smiles that make your head hurt if you look at them for too long.

They'd brought their dogs with them - a three-year-old Jack Russell terrier and her seven-month-old pup. The puppy was very hyper and Stepmom told us, smiling - not once but several times - that that's the reason they weren't going to come down, because the "dogs are so much to handle".

Of course that never stopped them on all those Herbalife trips.

And besides, coming down again gave her the chance to talk nonstop about how onderful Herbalife has been to her both financially and health-wise.

But anyway. The point of my story is about the gift from hell.

GB and I received two gifts from Dad & Stepmom. One was a hand-carved myrtle wash board. It's a decorative thing that doesn't really go with our house, but GB's dad made it and he's quite talented and so we appreciate the effort and the skill and the resulting beauty of it.

The other gift GB handed over to me to open. He knew. He just knew, damn him.

And so I tore the wrapping paper away to reveal a giant basket filled with, yes, you guessed it, Herbalife products. In addition to four coffee mugs that were actually half-way decent, there were four packs of Herbalife tea and a bottle of Herbalife pills. And an Herbalife video.

Merry Christmas!

But, wait, it gets better. On Sunday Dad & Stepmom drove back to Oregon. On Monday we got a Christmas card from them, written and sent before they came down - written and sent, apparantly, before they'd decided to come down. The card had a handwritten note urging us to join the Herbalife sales team and a P.S. that said they were sorry not to be with us this Christmas. There was also an Herbalife DVD and some of Stepmom's Herbalife business cards.

OK, I know it's the thought that counts, but I'm sorry - some thoughts are just plain tacky.

Anyway, it's Christmas Eve and I'm at work and even though this means missing my side of the family's big shindig which starts in the early afternoon at my aunt's house which is an hour away (two hours with holiday traffic), it's OK, because tonight is the cozy holiday show at the cafe, tomorrow is a relaxing morning and then a trip over to GB's mom's house where there will be good food and a basketball game on. Friday I have to work, but Friday night is GB's new band's first official show since he joined, Saturday is relaxing and a birthday party for a friend and Sunday is a post-Christmas brunch with my mother and brothers then, later K's annual holiday party.

The stressful part of the season is finally over, now it's just fun and games and being with the people we love.

Happy Holidays to all of you.

11:41 am - 12.24.03

sounds: Loretta Lynn - again
i am: finally getting me some holiday spirit


previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm

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