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2010

I am beginning to lose sleep over the house thing. Is this normal?
Last night I could not fall asleep because I suddenly started worrying that, five years from now, I will not be making enough money to cover my increased student loan payment and/or a new car payment. Not that I'll probably need another car for at least 7 or 8 years (If I take good care of this one it's only 2 years old)...but our mortgage payment seems so high - will my income ever catch up to the point where I have disposable income comparable to what I have right now?????

I hate that I'm worrying about five years into the future this way - but then again I'd rather worry than be blindsided by fate.

Not that fate's not going to be blindside me anyway, but still...

I also woke up at 4 a.m. worrying about closet space. How stupid is that? This new place literally only has as much closet space as our current home...which is kind of strange and as I'm tired of cramped closet conditions we're talking about buying a wardrobe that I can use for additional clothes - we'll put coats, etc in the second bedroom closet.

We haven't even gotten the keys yet and I'm already thinking about adding a second story (above the garage/office) and turning a tiny part of the garage into an attached pantry/laundry room. I also want to knock out the window in the breakfast nook and put in french doors so that we have a proper back door (which will require a proper patio)....is this bad that I'm already thinking of all these things? Does this mean it's not the right house? Or is it simply the right house for the time and, as we gain equity, can become the perfect house?

There are other details that keep me awake at night but I won't go until all the mind-numbing details here (is the bathroom too small? How can I NOT kill the pretty camellias?). It only goes to say, however, that I've been pretty exhausted lately. I never feel fully refreshed and this, combined with some added work pressure, has me working on a very short fuse these days.

I seem to be exceptionally short-tempered, jumpy, sensitive and frustrated.

Things have a way of working out....but what if this is that one time that they don't?

1:36 pm - 05.18.05

sounds:
words:
i am:

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