| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- an awful shade of blue... The creeping sense of dread that tells me I am doing it all wrong, just will not go away. I wish I had thought out this MFA thing much better but now I'm nearly halfway through and it seems absurd to even contemplate and starting over. I'll start over when I'm done. And will I spend my entire life feeling as if I'm starting over? Last night I seriously thought about calling the doctor to order a new We1butrin prescription. I'm not entirely sold on the idea. But I'm tired of the tiredness, of the sadness, of the fear. Yesterday I wrote for three hours and hated every last word of it. And I wondered about those classmates of mine who say things like "Oh I hate revision, because I'm so attached to what I've written. I just really like my characters the way they are." Or: "I hate revision because I don't want to wreck it. I mean it's not perfect, but...." I hate revision because I hate seeing my words staring back at me, words that are insurmountable and dense and flat and empty and never ever meaning what I want them to mean. And I know this not what you wanted to come here to read this morning, but right now it's all that I've got to give. 9:37 am - 10.06.03
sounds: Pau1a Frazer ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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