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it's a hard day for breathing, again

Supposed to be working on The Project (the one that will, in theory, make me millions. Or at least thousands. Ha.) But instead it's one of those nights where I've got the house to myself and my mind is racing, racing, reeling.

Trying to figure everything out.

Not only have we yet to find a house (and it's not that we're not looking. We are. Oh how we are.) but we just got notice from our landlord that she's selling the duplex. Hopefully it'll just go to an investor who wants to keep the tenants but if not then we could be forced out of here within 2-3 months. Of course, that is a lot of notice that we have been given but as we are still without a house to call our own, it's distressing. We really don't want to have to move into another rental if we don't have to. It would just complicate things unnecessarily. We had to show our side of the house today for the first time and it was admittedly awkward to watch someone wander through and look at our furniture, our knick-knacks, our things that make us us and remark on the quaint "retro"-ness of it all. GB did not take kindly to the whole experience. At all.

Strangely I am the one who is dealing with this bit of new chaos in an OK manner. The spouse? Not so much ... The meltdowns that have been heretofore reserved for me, are now his new domain. And instead of being the wonderfully sympathetic wife that I should be I just want to tell him to pull himself up by those proverbial bootstraps because there's nothing we can do about it. We have to get through this - we have no choice.

Of course I am just as worried, but somehow numb too. The relentless worrying about money and space and neighborhoods has dulled my senses, my skin, my heart for all of this.

Do you ever feel like this?

I definitely feel like this lately. Stuck, trapped, thrashing around, trying to get going, trying to make movement ...as such I am exhausted - more tired in the last month than I've been in ages. It's a spiritless kind of tired. Not the kind of tired you get from working hard and accomplishing but rather the kind of tired that come from spinning in circles, going over the same point endlessly, kicking your legs out in fruitless, fitful bursts of dissatisfaction and weary frustration.

Something's got to give, right?

10:13 pm - 05.02.05

sounds: basketball
words:
i am: fatigued

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previously on ... - next time on ...

money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm

sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am

why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm

Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm

a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm