| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a voice from the shadows OK, yes I did G00gle the ex-boyfriend - the one that really left me feeling empty and sad and broken despite the relative brevity of our relationship. Despite the relative brevity compared to the 7-year opus with the Ex - the 7 year opus I seemed to shrug off like a piece of nearly disintegrated skin. Such marathon relationships are easier to get over when they've been dead for quite some time, I suppose. Now, M. is living in Seattle with KT and this was to be expected. Well, I knew about the Seattle part. After all he invited me to throw his going-away party didn't he? I was out of town on a three-week road trip and didn't get the want-to-help-me-out? request until after he'd already left and although I e-mailed him back I never heard from him again. I could have e-mailed again I suppose, but I figured he would've replied if it meant anything to him. Instead it just seemed like a faint gesture and now, even when I run into his sister's husband at a show, I rarely mention his name. But I think about him a lot. He was the first person after the Ex to make me feel like I still had something in me worth seeing, something to offer other people. He's an artist and we worked together and one day he invited me to come over and watch Se1nfeld with him. He made me dinner (grilled veggies) and in the ultimate display of romanticism, showed me his vinyl collection. He was cute and had crinkly blue eyes and once, over dinner, told me I was beautiful and then smiled softly, saying: You don't believe me, do you? I wish you did.. He asked me if it was OK before we had sex, looking me in the eye when he said, are you sure?. He sent me flowers, drew me pictures and, of course - because this was 1997 - made me mix tapes. But I should have known it was not meant to be when he wanted to take me to see his ex-girlfriend's soccer game. Not because that's not what people should do but because of the way he talked about her, the way his eyes lit up when he mentioned her name. She's his wife now. I remember her as a friendly, athletic girl - cute in that earthy, practical sort of way and I completely understood what he saw in her. They didn't get back together until a few months after we split up. It didn't surprise me when I heard that they were dating again but it hurt nonetheless - mostly because neither could find the spirit to tell me and I recall feeling more than a little bit lost, more than a little bit like a fool. Also, I should have known it would not work out because of the way he screwed up his face when I said I liked Wi1co. This was Wi1co in its country-rock days, before the pop or hipster-noise era and it was clearly evident that I'd somehow offended his artsy sensibilities. But whatever...that was eight (8!) years ago and now I'm married with a house and not one, but two ex-boyfriends working at Amaz0n. Go figure. 2:03 pm - 07.25.05
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money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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