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do you know me?

It's Saturday, beautiful outside and as much as I try to resist spring - mostly because it means summer, which eventually means a stifling, sandpaper dry heat - I can't help but love how silky soft the air feels right now. How gentle it smells. How lovely the sun seems.
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I've been having a lot of bad, sad dreams about my cat lately - the cross-eyed orange one who's been so sick in the past year. I dream she's crying out, only I wake up and think it's real - that she relaly did cry out. Except there she is, nestled between GB & I, softly snoring.

I dream she is drenched in water and we put her in the dryer to dry out - only I know this isn't right and I cry tears of relief when she comes out alive, still worried though because now she has something i think of as a half, "broken" purr.

I keep dreaming these dreams and I feel too silly to tell anyone but you.

And now she's circling my feet, purring loudly, smashing her head against my legs.

Yesterday my mother made an apologetic comment about saving all of our old children's books...Not that it looks like I'll ever need them...sorry, I'm just thinking out loud....don't pay attention to me.

I can barely deal with my emotions and fears when it comes to a 9 pound cat--how would I ever deal with children? Besides, I'm getting so much older now...I can literally hear the tick-tock of my indecision...
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For my birthday (in Dec) we went to see one of my favorite films, It's a Wonderful Life and everyone seemed to enjoy it but I couldn't help but feel a little sad for the way KP kept making fun of George's renewed sense of self.

Do you know me? Do you know me? He shouted over and over as we walked from the theater, through the dusty, deserted downtown and to our car. Do you know me? Do you know me? He said, his voice mimicking Jimmy Stewart's high, cracking despair.

I guess it's funny. But it's poignant and sad too and it's a question I often want to ask, seriously.

But that's just me, and that's a big part of my problem. Or maybe not my problem but maybe just what makes me feel so lonely sometimes.

But like I said, it's a gorgeous early spring Saturday...I think I'll try to enjoy it.

10:17 am - 25.02.06

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

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