| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i don't know the meaning of no trespessing So I never actually talked to my biological mother yesterday�rather we traded a few phone messages� And it all got me thinking and feeling sad. The short version of the story is this: I was separated from my mother when I was two and did not see her again until I was 26. She lives in Texas. I live here and we don�t see each other often but we are trying to forge some sort of relationship. I have never met my maternal grandmother. Or rather I haven�t seen her since I was two and I don�t remember her. On a message my mother left me yesterday she said my grandmother is probably not going to live much longer. The one time I�ve gone to the town where my mother (and grandmother) live, my mother told me she (my grandmother) was too confused to meet me. She said it would be too hard on me to see her that way. That was two years ago. It didn�t sit well with me then but I let it go. I don�t think I can let it go any longer. I don�t think I could forgive myself if I didn�t pursue the chance to meet her. Even if she doesn�t know me � at least she saw me as a child and somewhere in the recesses of her mind she holds that memory. I�d like to have some such memory. Today I�ve been researching airfares. So far the cheapest roundtrip I�ve found is $239. Not bad. But since no airlines actually fly into my hometown we must also rent a car. And as my mother and her husband live in a small (but very lovely) house (that just incidentally happens to be on the same street that I lived on when I was a baby and still with my mother) we will probably get a hotel room as well. We don�t really have the money right now but GB agrees that now is the time to do it. Before he goes back to work � before something happens to my grandmother. Now I just have to talk to my (biological) mother about it. I hope she doesn�t try and talk me out of this. By the way...my father never responded to the birthday card I sent him. He never returns my phone calls. In August it will be three years since the last time we spoke. My mother - the other mother, the adoptive one - (and yes, the father in question is the biological one--sorry it's so complicated) - says this is all to punish her. That he told her as much the last time she spoke to him (two years ago). The sad thing is that that is just the kind of the thing that would make sense to my father. Of course I know he's never forgiven me either. Never forgiven me for choosing to live with my (adoptive) mother when they divorced when I was 11. You know, I look just like him...God help me if I ever become like him... 1:15 pm - 05.13.02
sounds: Damien Jurado & Gathered in Song : I Break Chairs ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
||||||