| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- when the ride is over ... Therapy yesterday. My last session for a while. It went pretty well. We discussed the whole money situation and how I�m planning on getting my life back on track and blah blah blah. (Well, I am planning that �don�t laugh�.) and we discussed how far I�ve come since May when I started seeing her. I don�t feel like all my questions are answered. But I at least feel as if I know what the questions are - and lemme tell you, that�s a big improvement. We also discussed GB�she�d given him that same personality test she gave me. And while we are very similar in some aspects (both introverts, both very feeling), we are very different too � he�s Mr. Practical (yeah, no shit) and I�m, well, not. He�s also more of an work-within-the-box, close-ended, likes matters resolved sort of person. And I�m kind of just the opposite there (except in arguments where I insist on having resolution � otherwise known as having the last word �). Anyway, life feels just a little bit less dark for whatever that is worth. I don�t stumble through my days wondering if GB and I will still be together by the time night falls. Now I stumble through trying to figure out how we�ll make this work (without killing each other) for next gazillion years. Because I want to make it work. And I want to buy a little house and maybe have a kid and do the white picket fence thing. But I also want to travel and sometimes spin around madly until I�m dizzy enough to faint. So I�m trying to figure out that part too � finding the balance if you�ll excuse my new-agey speak. And good lord he drives me crazy sometimes. Incredibly frustratingly, maddeningly crazy. I guess I probably drive him crazy too. So I�m not going to wait until January to see S, my therapist, again. We�re going to meet again in late October. That�s fine by me. I�m still saving nearly $1,000. Oh, and I dreamt about you last night (but I didn�t fall out of bed twice � it was too hot. It was so freaking hot, it was all I could do to just lay there in pure misery. It�s only supposed to be 100-freaking-and-five degrees today. Pure bliss). I dreamt that I was explaining to you how someone (I don�t know who) was making me feel as if I should watch what I say and I said to you (and I wish I could remember what you looked like in my dream), but this is my diary, when what I think I meant was, but this is my life. Same difference really. Party at the Rock God�s house last Saturday night. K didn�t go�do you blame her? Well, she had to work at the club, but it would have been odd either way. It was odd for me watching him and his wife and knowing that he doesn�t know that I know and knowing that I�m probably the only person there who did know and thinking �things are never what they really seem to be.� I remembered being about 10 or 11 years old at a party my parents had at our house when they were still married. My mother spent the entire party talking to this one man. And I remember having this feeling then that there was something going on between them. Not that I honestly think they ever did anything. I just think there was something between them. A chemistry. A what if sort of quality. Maybe I�m wrong. Maybe I�m na�ve. Maybe there was something. And if there was? Well then there was. My dad was no picnic. I wouldn�t blame her one bit. Even then I probably wouldn�t have been too freaked out. And K thinks I�m freaked out by all of this between her and the Rock God. And other then the aforementioned fact that it�s all a bit odd knowing them and being friends and all�I�m not, really. I�m certainly not judging her or disapproving. We�re talking about me here�Little Miss Crush Girl. Especially with that whole Quasi Rock Star situation, those points where I was ready to fall. So anyway you know, blah blah blah� Something I mentioned before � GB and I discussing the drinking thing.We talked about it again and agreed that neither of us want to stop drinking altogether. We just want to stop getting drunk. We�re both going to try and stick to certain limits. Which is usually two drinks for me. At the party I had two and a half drinks. Two jacks and diets (the diet coke so sweetly and graciously provided by the Rock God, especially for me�) and half of a shot of tequila that the Rock God asked me to try. OK, I said, but just a tiny, tiny amount. And so I didn�t get horribly drunk. Just a bit tipsy. Got a bit chatty, but nothing to be embarrassed over. And no horrible hangover in the morning. That was the best part. I really should get some work done today so that some of this stress might ease itself out of my shoulders� 10:46 am - 08.28.01
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money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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