| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- vanishing points and thoughts disjointed... One of my cubicle neighbors is smacking her gum something dreadful � on with the head phones it is�and people wonder why I�m so anti-social. Gum-smacking noises are most unpleasant. Thought I was going to get a quiet night at home last night but bad-memory me forgot about the NBA playoff games, luckily GB remembered and it was off to the Caf� for a noisy, rowdy night�living in the top half of this Western State, I�m a Kings girl, myself and their last-second win really rocked �. Been thinking about something in-my-life recently wrote
I do this all the time, here and in this diary. It�s more obvious, I suppose, why I do it in �real life�, but why here? I think about coming here and letting it all out � and to some extent I am very honest here, I guess I just choose to filter through the details � but then I think � well hell Shivers Girl, you are pretty moody and whack and why subject everyone else to your little melodramas? Why subject everyone else to my fluctuating insecurities and the ups-and-downs that make up my days and the petty arguments with my husband and my fears and my overwhelming sense of what the hell are you doing with your life? At least, why do this any more than I already do� Maybe it�s because I�ve spent a lifetime figuring out how to cope and have found that it's the easiest way to get through. Or maybe I�m just fooling myself pretending that if I say everything is OK then everything will be OK? But things are not OK. I mean they are OK, but they are not OK I mean I�m still losing sleep over the future and GB and I still have petty arguments that escalate into screaming blow-outs and then painful discussions and I am still torn with insecurities and � � well, fuck it� When I first started this diary in March of last year I honestly didn�t think about anyone reading it, but then as I found myself reading other people�s words, I was drawn into the maze of ideas and thoughts and feelings�I got a Gold Membership and yes, started watching the stats tracker. Somewhere along the way I even added an outside stats tracker. Sometimes I get damn sick of that stats tracker. I get damn sick of thinking what will other people think � that I�m a freak? A self-serving whiny freak?. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to writing into that purple template void � oblivious and seemingly alone� ..but you can�t go back. You can stop and change directions, but you can�t go back. 12:48 pm - 05.29.02
sounds: Japancakes - The Sleepy Strange ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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