| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- don't let me get me... Ick�Monday�to the nth degree. It is only Monday and I�m already exhausted for the week ahead. I am still exhausted from this weekend (NBA playoffs [sigh], rock shows, etc) and I am pre-exhausted for the days ahead (White Stripes, GB rock show Friday, Caf� yard sale Saturday, art show Saturday night, family get-together on Sunday) � indeed I am exhausted through next week. Hurry up and book your Shivers gig now before she�s pre-exhausted through August. And then I come here and everything is in disarray. Never mind that I can�t get Andrew to post my new banner but now I find that four months worth of diary entries are now down off my admin site. Granted, these are the four months I don�t have linked to the site itself, but it would have been nice to know ahead of time that they were just going to DISAPPEAR so that I could do something with them. I think there still might be a way to access them but it�s going to be a bit of a pain in the ass. My diary rings page was included in that batch of entries so now I must go and recreate a new rings page. And just when I�d gone and created an Irene diary ring just for my home girls MG and the Bot
These are just NOT the kind of things that I wanted to think about first thing on a Monday. Especially a Monday wherein I am suffering from a post-NBA heartbreak and a melatonin hangover. I think I need to cut down to half of a melatonin tablet � especially on days wherein I am already a bit burnt and have indulged in a beer or two. I could not open my eyes to save my life this morning and even when I finally did roll out of bed at 8 a.m. (which is when I wanted to be at work) I didn�t actually open my eyes for another 20 minutes or so (post-shower, pre-getting dressed � thank God or else I�d probably have showed up at work in some questionable plaid-and-polka dots combo. Not that I own anything with polka dots, but still). Despite the exhaustion and shattered hoop dreams it was, all in all, a good weekend. The rock shows rocked. GB played his first gig with the band and that went pretty well despite the venue�s crappy sound. Looking forward to Friday�s show at the dive bar - his first �real� show with them� We got along well all weekend � remarkable for the fact that we spent every waking moment together. Instead of getting annoyed with one another it was one of those weekends where we appreciated everything we have in common and remarked on several occasions about how nice it is that we are not only husband-and-wife but best friends. The only downside to this was the semi-panic attact that it inspired in me Saturday night as I tried to go to sleep and thought about a world without him. I have this horrible (and yes I know, irrational) fear of him dying at a young age and leaving me. I know it goes back to my abandonment / loss issues�I know it is irrational�I know it is a useless fear�but I can�t help it�I know I am a whole person without him. I am fine as a single girl, I have never been the type to actively seek relationships because I think I need a partner�. But to lose GB? To be without him due to causes beyond our control? To have our relationship severed by some higher power? I think that I would die� Just thinking about it right now makes my heart beat faster�makes my breathing turn shallow�I have to stop, stop, stop. Goddamn� It�s just like me to tear off the silver lining to get to the cloud� Anyway�this morning when I did finally drag myself through the process of getting ready, GB awoke and got up to help me get a few things together and I don�t know if it was the lingering anxiety or exhaustion or pre-exhaustion but I was snappy and not very nice and I think I owe him a midday apology call. Sometimes I just don�t get me. 2:10 pm - 06.03.02
sounds: White Teeth - Zadie Smith ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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