| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- truth doesn't make a noise What a day. No, what a night. Last night was the come-stare-at-the-baby party�.cute baby as far as babies go�lots of thick, black hair and smooth, fuzzy skin. Tiny feet and legs still curled into a fetal position. Adorable really, I even felt quivers of what if...
But, of course, while we were there, we started getting the �when are you two going to have a baby� questions. People, I don�t care if you are good friends � that question is just plain rude. And then there were all the �what are you going to do� questions and �this is a blessing� comments directed at GB in regards to his job. Frankly we�re both sick of it even though we know they mean well. On the way home the tension and edginess escalated into a fight and I realized that GB is even more depressed than I thought. He is depressed and angry and sad and feels completely and totally hopeless and I don�t know what to do. I feel depressed and angry and sad and empty inside because there is nothing I can do. Nothing beyond what I am doing. Being here for him. Trying to be supportive. Trying to be optimistic. It�s so hard to be those things when it feels as if it has no effect. When it feels like I�m just speaking in cliches. I started to cry last night when I remembered my dream about Angel Boy. My own deep-seated fear that something might happen. Something beyond my control. I�m trying to schedule a therapy appointment. The insurance thing has been so screwed up since we had to switch but it looks like it�s working out now and hopefully I can get in next week. Hopefully he can as well. He promised he would call his doctor today and get a referral and start taking those steps. Today I have to pick up my mother at the auto body shop. She is going to ask lots of questions about how we are doing. I don't know how truthfully I will answer. I am torn. After all this is the same woman who just asked me not to tell my grandmother that she got into an accident because she doesn't want to deal with her reaction. I know it's different...different but the same... This morning K and I walked through the freezing park and I marveled over the tiny ice chips in the mud and frozen puddles and hoped that the ducks weren�t too cold. But they�re ducks. I guess they�re built for such things. Still, I worry about their little ducky feet. 11:24 am - 01.31.02
sounds: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
||||||