| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- tiny windows Today i've been reading diary entries about people taking on wonderful fall projects such as making soups and pies and crafty things and knitting and i'm just sitting here sourly with my sore throat and ginger tea and bright overhead flourescent lights and thinking: I want my life back But, as I figured out yesterday...only 36 days of class left! This is how it breaks down if you take the number of days left that I must be on campus this semester and add them to the number of weeks of my two remaining semesters (assuming that each semester I have all of my classes on one day, which is how I think it will work out)....and so there you go and I'm left to think...that's it?. Yesterday afternoon on campus the air felt cool but the sun was warm on my skin so I sat on a bench on the quad and with sunglasses to shield my eyes, drifted between sleeping and reading. Moments like that are tiny windows into a life of calm. One where there is no rushing, no juggling, balancing, tipping/ Where the focus does not always need to be razor sharp but instead there is room for soft edges and contemplation. Would that be good? What would my life be like? It's been so long since I've had such space to breathe. Have I mentioned lately how much I like our workshop instructor, Mr. Very Distinguished Writer? I really do. VDW and I met an hour before class yesterday to discuss my workshop last week. I am amazed that someone who is so abrupt and rough and hard-edged in his writing is so gracious and sweet and humble in person. It baffles and dazzles me. He kept asking how I was doing and told me repeatedly that I should be proud of my piece. He told me, with a big smile, that he really enjoyed it. And that made me very very very happy, on just a lot of different levels. We had a good discussion about its weak points and I think he understood, maybe even appreciated, when I said that I didn't want to work around my weaknesses (i.e. camoflouge them), but rather, I wanted to try and work through them. I want to figure out how to do the things I can't seem to do right now. Then if I decide I don't like doing those things, then I'll camoflouge them...I'd rather know that I can do them and am not doing them by choice rather than by default.... We also talked openly about A., the workshop instructor (and his friend) who died in March. It was nice to talk about her in a laughing, funny, oh that A sort of way. And then I dreamt about her last night and she was very very alive in my dreams. And it was lovely. Yes, he's gracious and sweet and humble and nice and very very encouraging and really, that's enough to get a girl through the day sometimes. It's cold and raining today and in just 90 minutes I'm heading out of here and straight to the giant, cozy comforter on my bed where my cats are already fast asleep. Bliss...i cannot wait. 3:23 pm - 10.31.03
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money can't buy happiness but it does buy small pieces of of serenity - 15.07.12 - 4:29 pm sh)t's about to get real, y'all - 31.05.12 - 9:46 am why the hell not? - 29.04.12 - 8:38 pm Hear that lonesome whistle blow... - 02.04.12 - 5:18 pm a faith in something I can't see - 30.03.12 - 3:33 pm |
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