| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i wanna be mesmerizing too ... So last night was good. GB & Guitar Girl ended up practicing at the house and I just holed up in the bedroom with some magazines. And my guitar. And yes, I practiced. It�s been at least six weeks since I last picked it up. �10 minutes,� I told myself. �Just 10 minutes. You can do it.� I got out my chord cheat sheet, feeling rather discouraged. �If I had kept practicing all this time I wouldn�t need this cheat sheet for two lousy fucking chords � I�d already know them all.� But then something happened. Yes, I needed my cheat sheet as a refresher course on G and C (all you people who play guitar please stop laughing now. Yes, I�m still learning G and C) but somehow it was easier than the last time I had practiced. Somehow it started coming back to me. Somehow, for one brief shining moment, I stopped thinking about what I was doing and just flowed between G and C with ease. Then of course, once I realized it, I started thinking about it and was very aware of it so it became a little harder again, but still � I ended up practicing for 30 minutes (in the bedroom with the stereo blaring, the door shut, the hall door shut, and the air conditioner blasting so there was no chance of them hearing me). And I felt really good � even my sore fingers felt good � when I stopped. Later, after Guitar Girl left, GB and I sat on the couch. He had a friend�s acoustic guitar (if anybody knows where I can buy a vintage Vox acoustic guitar please let me know, we have an anniversary coming up �) that he�s keeping until said friend gets back to town. He started playing a bunch of songs. Some Whiskeytown, some Wilco. Some Church. And he started singing! My sweet and shy GB who prefers to just hang back and play while everyone else hams it up. I mean he has sung on stage before � backups when he was in the band. But last night he started singing �Houses on the Hill� for me, and then �Inn Town.� And he sounded pretty good. And I was amazed because he�s never sung in front of me like that before. So then I confided in him that I had been practicing in the bedroom. He was really happy to hear it. He started playing some Wilco songs and asked me to sing along but I couldn�t remember all the lyrics. Then he tried a Liz Phair song (�C�mon, you know ALL the lyrics on �Exiled�). Then a Violent Femmes song (�Blister in the Sun�). Then I asked him to try out a Michael Shelley song (�Going to LA�). I felt a little dumb because I couldn�t remember lyrics to all these songs I love but GB told me to pick out some songs to learn and he�d play them and I could sing or we could sing together�. Later in bed he said, don�t let the age thing bother you (I told him how part of me feels silly for picking up the guitar at my age even when I know I shouldn�t feel that way)�but at the very least you can sing right now. I know you can sing � so just pick out some songs. To hear him say that I can sing was a big confidence boost. Of course I still have to work on the pesky details (singing on key, etc �.) Anyway, in case I haven�t said it lately let me say it now. I have a great husband. And for all the sexy Rock Stars out there � none of them can hold a candle to GB when it comes to personality and heart and soul and sweetness � OK, done gushing � for now �Actually I think I want to sing the Violent Femmes song "Add it Up�. I like the idea of singing songs written by guys. I really want to sing �Under My Thumb� by the Stones. And not change all the �she�s� to �he�s�. But Ok, I�m just thinking out loud right now. I really must get to work. And thank you (by the way there�s an Edna St. Vincent Millay article in the new Vanity Fair) and you and you and you for all your insight and kindness and general kick ass-ness � 10:48 a.m. - 2001-07-13
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