| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- come pick me up Last night I dreamt that C and I split up and it was for good this time and I was trying to make peace with it and then, finally, I said 'why don't we give it one final shot--just to say we did?' Despite some troubles we've had recently I cannot imagine my life without him. Or rather, I can imagine it and I don't like the way it looks. School started two weeks ago and everything's been a blur since. It feels like between this and working at the paper I can't catch my breath. I cut my hours to 20 at the paper--which is still a lot considering I have another full-time job. At least I can work on most of the paper stuff from home. The extra money helps, I won't lie. We've had some unexpected bills lately and there's peace of mind that comes with knowing we won't rack up extra debt. Exhaustion, but also peace of mind. But, back to school—it's stressing me out. I go through the tenure review process this semester, which despite everyone's reassurances not to worry, is quite anxiety-inducing. Factor in this brand-new class I'm teaching--a class I feel as though I'm completely bluffing my way through--and, well, yeah. Lord, there is not enough whiskey or yoga in the word to make me feel better, calmer or more centered. On a more personal note I've been feeling lonely lately. I need to find ways to be a better, more consistent friend. To cultivate and nourish friendships despite my gut instinct to hide away and hibernate. The endless push-pull of being an introvert who still needs human contact. I am so ready for fall. Cliche as it may be please give me autumn leaves and that nip in the air. I've had it with this oppressive heat and the ceaseless gaze of the sun. 3:17 pm - 08.09.18
sounds: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- previously on ... - next time on ...
peak burnout right on cue - 10.10.18 - 7:20 pm wondering if i'll ever bury the hatchet inside - 03.10.18 - 8:51 pm remember to breathe (2018 edition) - 30.09.18 - 8:21 pm you in that autumn sweater - 22.09.18 - 6:22 pm 17 years or 17 seconds? - 11.09.18 - 9:57 pm |
||||||