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if i were brave

How do we just not feel sad, anxious and filled with despair all of the time?

I keep thinking back to that post-9/11 time. It was awful then.

And yet.

This feels undefinable, a crisis without end, one unraveling after another.

I am trying to focus on the here and now and also some far-off points of optimism.

I enjoy the mornings; what was once reserved for weekends is an everyday ritual now: Drinking coffee, reading and staring out the window.

I bought new sheets for the bed and we liked them so much I bought another set in a different pattern.

It's the B*g Day of G*ving so I'm trying to figure out where to parcel out my donations. So far I've donated to a local shelter for homeless youth.

I keep thinking about graduate school (yes, again). I have settled (for now) on an other MFA, either in creative non-fiction or journalism. There are two good programs, both on the East Coast. I just need to do more research and really think deeply about the finances of the situation (In theory, completing the MFA would be very expensive BUT would also pay off within five years thanks to the pay bump it would give me at my job).

The ego part of me would really like a Ph.D (in education, but if I could find a program in creative nonfiction or journalism) but I also need an online program and I want it to be both something that will enhance and contribute to my job but also to my sense of creativity.

Of course, the real thing to consider is whether I could handle the work load. It was one thing 15 years ago when it felt like I had considerably more energy. And yet isn't energy something that feeds into itself, a continuously fermenting starter of time and will?

NP: Sh*wn Colv*n's A Few Sm*ll Repairs. This album is perfect and an entire mood right now.

8:56 am - 07.05.20

sounds:
words:
i am:

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previously on ... - next time on ...

the things that are still OK - 27.05.20 - 2:27 pm

girls like us are most perfect when we're biting off all of our finger nails - 21.05.20 - 3:14 pm

i could join the circus when they come to town - 15.05.20 - 5:41 pm

the good that won't come out, part 58 - 11.05.20 - 9:59 am

if i were brave - 07.05.20 - 8:56 am

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